Feeling a mixed bag of emotions

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First let me say that I felt great this morning.  I got a walk in and my goal is to get 100 miles in for July. Just a bit of motivation for me. 

I do start radiation at the hospital on the 16th. It looks like it is going to be an hour. Read up on some possible side effects too. Nausea, diarrhea, fatgue and possible burnt or discoloration of the skin area. Looking forward to that bullshit.

I just have a feeling that I will be treated with kid gloves, meaning I shouldn't be allowed to do anything. All I am suffering is from cramps.... Very similar to the feeling from the biopsy. The pads make it more uncomfortable then anything. 

Now my next worry is my marriage and if he will find me attractive anymore or just see me as a liability. I know he never asked for any of this and I wish for this crap to go away... But it won't.  I miss being touched. I better stop because I will start crying.

I think I may have to go on depression meds.  With lupus,  now cancer and my emotional state... I don't think I can handle this.  I do want to punch a wall!! I want to pack my shit up and ostricise myself.

People worry about my physical being but I wish they take a little time to talk about my emotional being. *sigh*

Location: Roseville, Roseville

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