She's giving me all she has, Captain!
I have been thinking seriously of taking a break from Facebook. I am getting very angry and other wild emotions every time I read some of the posts. Some of them just throw me into a wild fit or into a 'dark hole'. Hard to explain but I may just lurk and only give myself so much time on it. I do have better things to do. Also, with the past experiences I encountered, the people who I thought were close to me really let me down. I think that is my biggest disappointment. Not sure if I am going to 'announce' it like an attention whore but I am seriously thinking of just saying 'F it' and give myself 2 to 3 hours a day for stalking.
This new med I am on has been giving me dizzy spells lately. I had one in the car last night and then I blasted the AC to wake me up. Not really sure if it is the meds or me just having a panic/anxiety attack but either way it is not good. Then yesterday at school, I felt so incredibly disconnected. Maybe it's the fact they (OCC) is moving our SLS program out of our 'home' in the SC building to a different one. Walking into that room with bare walls was just daunting to me. My consistency is ruined and another unknown in life is coming up. I am not a big fan of change. Granted, I will be graduating this December but I really wanted to finish up in that room..that's where I met some amazing people. Oh well... disconnect and move on...
So today we are going up to Wilson state park for camping this weekend. Right now, I am not at all excited about going. Feels like any other day to me expect for a long ass drive. It's going to be a hard weekend for me, I just feel it. I hope not but, again, feeling disconnected.
I guess the short of it is I am feeling disconnected. People, things, whatever. I don't know if it is because I want to process my news from my oncologist I received on Monday or something else. Really cannot think of what/why. I'm probably repressing it and I don't want to face it. I used to love listening to Jillian Michael's podcast then she adopted some kids and now it's all about her kids. Gah! Save it for another podcast and give me some life affirming thoughts and actions.
I guess I will just push onward and put on the 'happy face'. I know I have people who support/love me but it's not about that. Hell, I don't know what it is. All I know is that I feel empty even if I do talk about how I feel. I'm just done... again, tired and done.
This new med I am on has been giving me dizzy spells lately. I had one in the car last night and then I blasted the AC to wake me up. Not really sure if it is the meds or me just having a panic/anxiety attack but either way it is not good. Then yesterday at school, I felt so incredibly disconnected. Maybe it's the fact they (OCC) is moving our SLS program out of our 'home' in the SC building to a different one. Walking into that room with bare walls was just daunting to me. My consistency is ruined and another unknown in life is coming up. I am not a big fan of change. Granted, I will be graduating this December but I really wanted to finish up in that room..that's where I met some amazing people. Oh well... disconnect and move on...
So today we are going up to Wilson state park for camping this weekend. Right now, I am not at all excited about going. Feels like any other day to me expect for a long ass drive. It's going to be a hard weekend for me, I just feel it. I hope not but, again, feeling disconnected.
I guess the short of it is I am feeling disconnected. People, things, whatever. I don't know if it is because I want to process my news from my oncologist I received on Monday or something else. Really cannot think of what/why. I'm probably repressing it and I don't want to face it. I used to love listening to Jillian Michael's podcast then she adopted some kids and now it's all about her kids. Gah! Save it for another podcast and give me some life affirming thoughts and actions.
I guess I will just push onward and put on the 'happy face'. I know I have people who support/love me but it's not about that. Hell, I don't know what it is. All I know is that I feel empty even if I do talk about how I feel. I'm just done... again, tired and done.
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