Ever Had One of Those Days????

I haven't been sleeping well for about a week.  I feel like a giant stress ball ready to burst but, of course, have to try to keep it under control.  Not sure if I am just ready for the warmer months or having some kind of anxiety issue.  I tried the yoga thing and my mind can turn off for that time but once the class was over, right back to where I was.... brain going into overload.  

I remember when I used to listen to Jillian Michael's podcast (pre-adoption) and she said that the answer 'I don't know' is a cop-out.  I have to agree.  There is something in my subconsciousness mind that is holding me back but I don't want to face it.  I know I have been going through anger moments with the constant med popping, pain dealing, etc etc and yes, I am grateful for being awake each day but seriously, to feel like this? It's a pain in the ass!  I feel alone in this fight but I cannot blame anyone but myself.  I have to change my thinking and get out of this darkness.  And believe me...it's dark.  Now, I am writing this to get some feelings sorted out and try to clear out the 'clutter'.  I talked to a friend of mine last night via FB and she is going through some issues as well.  I am so glad to have her since we do not compare who has it worst.  We just vent and she understands the feelings, pain and the pursuit of putting on a 'happy' face.  You know, I am tired of it.  Just so sick and tired of it.  Even if/when someone asks, genuinely, how I am doing... I know they really don't want to hear the list.  I am back to my rhetorical 'Eh, I'm alive."  As I write this, I really don't feel 'alive'.  I feel as if I want to crawl out of my skin. 

Yesterday, I went for a walk with the boys hoping to get my mind clear.  Good walk but once I got back into the house, I felt a surge of energy and I just could not sit still.  Good for calorie burning but not much else.  I need some kind of outlet... and soon